Honest Communication

2/28/14  OK, I'm going to be transparent here.  If you're not up for it, don't read any further.....

I have a situation with my mom that has been a big challenge the past two months.  I have an opinion about how she should be living her life and she disagreed.  I love my mom and she has been a regular part of my life for 47 years.  Sometimes more regular than others, but nevertheless my mom, my kid's grandma, my friend.

My first confession is that I talked to others about it before going to her.  At the same time I was praying about it but not waiting real well.  I felt the Lord telling me that I was wrong to talk to others without first talking to her.  So I did.  Nothing in the situation changed.

My second confession is that I didn't like this.  When talking to myself I could think of dozens of reasons why the situation should be different, why she should be following my advice and why I was justified in being upset about the whole thing.

Truth is, I was miserable and I was making her life miserable as well.  About ten days ago or so, I asked several to pray for me; asked my husband to give me his wise counsel and I went determined to apologize and to release control.  God is so faithful!!!  Since we talked that day I still have my same opinions but they don't have any mastery over me or my relationship with her. Since then, I can have conversation with her and not be critical.  (I suppose she's the final judge on that one but I think I've kept my mouth shut and my daughter is keeping me accountable.)  My mom and I can have a discussion about people and things we both love and it's real.

Thank you Lord for seeing me through this.  I know I'll need you again.  Your unending grace and mercy are such a blessing to me!  Isn't it so humbling to know that God loves and forgives us?  I can't imagine living without that truth active in my life.

¹² Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.      From Colossians 3

Disclaimer: I'm the first to acknowledge that there are "relationships" that this doesn't work.  Those where mutual respect is absent.  Don't keep trying with someone who won't meet you halfway. 

However, 20-30 minutes of confrontation can change forever how you relate to someone you love.  Be the first to say you're sorry, apologize and commit to seeking the Spirit of God for help and mercy.  Remember, He is God and He is able.  This is so much better than jabbing, beating around the bush, teasing with a bite or talking behind their back.